Less Than 60 Days

In less than 60 days, my life will make a big transition. I will become someone's wife and we will be on our own. It has been a long road for me to get here. In some ways l feel I am ready, and some ways I feel like I'm inexperienced. I really don't let the world into my personal business, but here is a look.

I have never been so stressed in my life until I started planning this wedding. At first, I didn't know where to start but I knew I had some time to plan because the wedding was a year and a half away from the date we got engaged, on my birthday November 18 2014. Then one of my fiancee's aunt said there was going to be a family reunion on a cruise ship. The dates of the cruise went along for the date we wanted to get married on. We thought that would be fun and decided to get married on the ship. We were saving up and then in August 2015 the craziest thing happen. The car that  I bought in 2013, from an accident, just broke down and there was nothing left to salvage. We were on the side of the road in the middle of the night, where it was pitch black and in the south. I was so scared when a police car rolled up because it took about 30 mins to get police on the phone. When we finally reached the police, we were barely off the phone before the police car arrived, plus I didn't know what to expect. We are in the times where police are killing us, African Americans, for no reason. The first thing my fiancee does is just walk up to the cop car. All I can think is, Jesus please don't let this policeman be trigger happy. To my relief, the policeman thought we were college students, kids, and tried to help us as much as he could. Eventually, all the money that we saved up had to go to a new car. We couldn't get married on the ship now, and plus the family cruise was cancelled.

So, by February 2016 we had to figure out if we were going to have a wedding at all. I got to the point where I was like, fuck this, let's just get married at the courthouse. But then, my mom felt bad and said she wanted me to have a wedding since I was her only biological child. So, we started planning with help from some of my friends. In the middle of planning, my great grandma, who was 105, passed away. I didn't cry as much because I knew she had lived a long life and she was going to a better place. I did start feeling extremely sad and feeling some type of way because I only have one grandparent left and she can't even talk. Planning had to be pushed back and the feeling of not wanting to have a wedding crept back into my mind. When I came back home from the funeral, I had to make a quick decision and the wedding was back on.

I reserved the hall with the quickness. But all the other vendors didn't call me back. I though that was strange because if you are a business and a potential client wants your business, I think it is a courtesy to call them back, even if you are booked to capacity. When I actually called the vendors back, one vendor said they had a meeting about my call but never called me back. So, eventually one hotel, one caterer, and Publix called me back. I just had a friend of mine who was a graphic designer, design the invitations. I just chalked everything up to it's a Charlotte thing and that everything is going to work itself out. It eventually is going to work out.

Anyway, the one thing that really took me for a loop is finding out who my real friends are. I lost a so called friend I had known for 30 years and who was going to actually help with planning the wedding. Apparently, this so called friend had a problem with me for years and didn't want to tell me because our families were close. We were so close I considered her my family. What you don't do, is tell Facebook about a misunderstanding and proceed to tell the world how bad a friend you think someone is to you. You have to remember it takes two to have friendship, though. I never once repaid her back because I wasn't raised to be that kind of woman and I know there is thing called Karma. I have felt so vulnerable that I have become an introvert when I'm usually a social butterfly. Now, that I'm blending families together the vulnerability became a little worse, but I'm working myself out of being an introvert.

So, as the days get closer to my wedding, I just left it up to God. I can't take the stress anymore and I was becoming a bitch. This is not me at all! I'm the happy go lucky chick, who loves to laugh, like a kid, and be positive. This is my first and last wedding. I am 34 just getting married and I'm so happy that I waited. I was able to live my life before I settled down. I have no regrets. This next level of life, I am praying will make be a better person than what I am now. This is my first time being someone's wife and this new venture is scary but also exciting. The people who come to the bridal shower and wedding are the people who love us and are supposed to be there. Now that I have gotten this off my chest, I feel so much better. Talk to you soon.

A New Year!

Hi everyone. I'm so grateful to be blessed to see a New Year! The old events of last year are behind me and now I'm looking forward to the new events of this new year. Every year I, we, make new year's resolutions and seem to never keep them. We get disappointed in ourselves and just stop moving forward. So, I decided in 2007, I would do something that would not only help me reach my goals, but never disappoint myself.

I decided to create a vision board. I was watching an Oprah show, when it was on, one week and I saw this woman had created a vision board. The board was pictures of goals she had for herself and wanted to obtain in her life. It worked! So, I was at a turning point in life. I wanted to my Bachelor's degree to be useful in my life and I just wanted to get health insurance so my health would not continue to deteriorate. I wanted to be in a meaning relationship with someone who would be faithful to me only and be trustworthy. I had these God given talents and wanted to be able to use them the way God intended. So, I created my own vision board.

It took me until 2011 for my vision board to come into fruition because there were somethings and people I needed to get out of my life. I'm a loyal person who holds onto society's view of life and people because I have learned not take anything and/or anyone for granted. But I had to realize not everyone was supposed to go with me on my journey like my mom and uncle Greg told me. Trying to reach society's goals for myself was driving me insane. I had to come to grips that society's goals and my goals were totally different. In order for me to keep sane, I had to choose to obtain my goals for my life! I also had to learn how to be still and wait on God. The waiting part was hard for me because I felt I always seemed to get the short end of the stick. God taught me by waiting, I would get whatever I need and desire from him in due time.

When you make your vision board, you can't show everyone. You can show the people you trust like your mom and/or best friend. Some people are just going be haters. There are some people who just don't want to see anyone succeed as long as they aren't in the high position they feel they should have.Your vision has to be marinated before it comes into fruition, so you have to wait. While you are waiting, you should go and help those in need. You can help by donating clothes, volunteer at a soup kitchen, give a friend a ride to work, be a listener to a friend or family member, adopt a pet, etc. Helping others will not only make you feel good about yourself, but it will also help you get the blessings God has in store for you.

So, instead of making resolutions, make a vision board. This way, you can see how many goals you can accomplish in the year. You will not accomplish all your goals in a year, but you will not disappoint yourself. Get rid of the dead weight of society's view of you and malicious people out so you can move forward positively in your life.Understand, your other goals are on the way and you will be able to have a fulfilling life God has always wanted for you. Make your board today!