In less than 60 days, my life will make a big transition. I will become someone's wife and we will be on our own. It has been a long road for me to get here. In some ways l feel I am ready, and some ways I feel like I'm inexperienced. I really don't let the world into my personal business, but here is a look.
I have never been so stressed in my life until I started planning this wedding. At first, I didn't know where to start but I knew I had some time to plan because the wedding was a year and a half away from the date we got engaged, on my birthday November 18 2014. Then one of my fiancee's aunt said there was going to be a family reunion on a cruise ship. The dates of the cruise went along for the date we wanted to get married on. We thought that would be fun and decided to get married on the ship. We were saving up and then in August 2015 the craziest thing happen. The car that I bought in 2013, from an accident, just broke down and there was nothing left to salvage. We were on the side of the road in the middle of the night, where it was pitch black and in the south. I was so scared when a police car rolled up because it took about 30 mins to get police on the phone. When we finally reached the police, we were barely off the phone before the police car arrived, plus I didn't know what to expect. We are in the times where police are killing us, African Americans, for no reason. The first thing my fiancee does is just walk up to the cop car. All I can think is, Jesus please don't let this policeman be trigger happy. To my relief, the policeman thought we were college students, kids, and tried to help us as much as he could. Eventually, all the money that we saved up had to go to a new car. We couldn't get married on the ship now, and plus the family cruise was cancelled.
So, by February 2016 we had to figure out if we were going to have a wedding at all. I got to the point where I was like, fuck this, let's just get married at the courthouse. But then, my mom felt bad and said she wanted me to have a wedding since I was her only biological child. So, we started planning with help from some of my friends. In the middle of planning, my great grandma, who was 105, passed away. I didn't cry as much because I knew she had lived a long life and she was going to a better place. I did start feeling extremely sad and feeling some type of way because I only have one grandparent left and she can't even talk. Planning had to be pushed back and the feeling of not wanting to have a wedding crept back into my mind. When I came back home from the funeral, I had to make a quick decision and the wedding was back on.
I reserved the hall with the quickness. But all the other vendors didn't call me back. I though that was strange because if you are a business and a potential client wants your business, I think it is a courtesy to call them back, even if you are booked to capacity. When I actually called the vendors back, one vendor said they had a meeting about my call but never called me back. So, eventually one hotel, one caterer, and Publix called me back. I just had a friend of mine who was a graphic designer, design the invitations. I just chalked everything up to it's a Charlotte thing and that everything is going to work itself out. It eventually is going to work out.
Anyway, the one thing that really took me for a loop is finding out who my real friends are. I lost a so called friend I had known for 30 years and who was going to actually help with planning the wedding. Apparently, this so called friend had a problem with me for years and didn't want to tell me because our families were close. We were so close I considered her my family. What you don't do, is tell Facebook about a misunderstanding and proceed to tell the world how bad a friend you think someone is to you. You have to remember it takes two to have friendship, though. I never once repaid her back because I wasn't raised to be that kind of woman and I know there is thing called Karma. I have felt so vulnerable that I have become an introvert when I'm usually a social butterfly. Now, that I'm blending families together the vulnerability became a little worse, but I'm working myself out of being an introvert.
So, as the days get closer to my wedding, I just left it up to God. I can't take the stress anymore and I was becoming a bitch. This is not me at all! I'm the happy go lucky chick, who loves to laugh, like a kid, and be positive. This is my first and last wedding. I am 34 just getting married and I'm so happy that I waited. I was able to live my life before I settled down. I have no regrets. This next level of life, I am praying will make be a better person than what I am now. This is my first time being someone's wife and this new venture is scary but also exciting. The people who come to the bridal shower and wedding are the people who love us and are supposed to be there. Now that I have gotten this off my chest, I feel so much better. Talk to you soon.
