Spiritual Relationship

Many of you know I lost one of my grandmas last month. Since she has been gone, I have been thinking and looking over all the things I have done in my life. I have been wondering if I would be ready when God calls me home. To me, I don't think I would be ready right now. I have had many conflicts with God.

For one, I have a medical problem since I was born and I have been through hell and back. I'm 28 yrs old and the first 25 yrs of my life, I have been in and out of the hospital. When I was young, I had thought that either God hated me or I did something in another lifetime to be in this tremendous physical pain. I was raised in the church, but no one really accepted me because I was so sick. And in return, I had rebelled towards God. Everyone rebels.

As I have matured and got older, I have realized that God gave me a medical problem for a reason. It saved me from myself. I learned how not to judge people and accept any creed and color. I was saved from being around the wrong crowd growing up and I never ever was a troubled kid. I had a great childhood. But I struggle everyday with nightmares and flashbacks. People have done me wrong, but my family has always been there for me no matter what.

My family and I have had this conversation about being ready and what will happened when I get to the pearly gates. I think I will be in the line, but Peter will say, "Ummm...Tameika, can you step to the side for a few minutes? We have somethings we need to confirm." I know God will have a laugh with me and about me. He will be shaking his head while laughing. I want to be ready when God calls me. Will you?

Dating

I want to address a topic that gets under my skin. I have had this conversation of how some black men have decided not to date black women at all. Then I think back to what Wesley Snipes said in an interview. To sum it all up, Wesley made a statement saying that he will never date Black women again because they are too loud and ghetto. WTF? Like he his the nerve to talk about someone. Then another black man I talked to said that to him it applies to Hispanic women, too.

Well, I'm a 28 year old African-American/Black woman and I want to know what do these men mean by ghetto? Is it that black and Hispanic women don't take some black men shit and these bitch ass men can't man up? Or is that they have meet their match and they can't take the heat? Or is it that they would rather be lied to than have someone tell them the truth? Or is it they want someone to kiss their ass?

I'm tired of hearing how Black women are labeled as whores, bitches, and gold diggers. Even if we are educated and decided to date a man who is equally educated as us, then we are labeled as a gold digger. If we go out on many dates to figure out what we want in a man, but not have sex with every guy, we are labeled as whores. If we fly off the handle in a heated discussion or an argument and not agree with everything a man says, then we are labeled bitches.

Today, talking to one of my guy friends, he told me how many Black men in his financial firm will not even think twice about not dating a Black or Hispanic woman. They are too afraid of not having a great background check and want to be able to get into a country club.

Look, I have no problem with anyone dating outside their race, I just want Black women to stop getting a bad rep. What makes me really mad at the situation is that some black men will never give a black woman a chance, even though they were raised by a black woman. They are so obessed with how society sees them and I feel sad for them. The other thing that angers me too, is when a black woman is with a black man for a long period of time and once that man gets fame, he drops his black woman like she was nothing. This black woman helped this man to get him where he is and she sacrificed some her dreams for him.

The one thing I'm proud of is how Barack Obama is so much in love with his wife Michelle. Mrs. Obama is showing the world that black women and every woman of color is worth more than gold. I pray and hope some black men will stop judging and take a black woman out.

Facebook and Its Affects

Every single day I have a daily routine, check my email and then get on Facebook to talk to distant family members and friends. I'm able to find what is going on in the world on this site when I don't feel like watching the news. Facebook is the number one social and informational site in the world. Let me give you a little history on this site.

Facebook was a website that some Harvard students created for their economics class. The site was built for students at the Ivy League schools around the country to stay in touch with one another. The teacher felt it was a great project and they got sponsors. A few months after the site was launched, the creators felt it would be a better expansion if they had allowed all students from all colleges across the country to stay connected to one another.

I have been a member since Spring of 2005. I had fun writing whatever I wanted to without persecution. I also could have people to relate to because everyone in college has those days when they feel they can't take it anymore and they want to drop out. This was me every semester....lol...but for real. Anyway, now a day Facebook is not only for college students, but they are for companies, high school students, and middle schoool students. I'm really shocked about the middle school students.

Five years later, Facebook has dramatically changed. First off, you have to watch what you say and the kind of pictures you put on your profile. There was a teacher who out a picture of herself enjoying an alcoholic drink, and she lost her job. The school said that not only did her student find the picture, but she was giving a bad reputation of the school. I feel that when people are off the job, they should be able to enjoy their lives. I also feel that a student shouldn't be able to see what his/her student does after school because the teacher is an adult. I think the school made a big fuss about one little picture. They could have asked the teacher to take the picture off and then have an assembly about the difference of what an adult can do versus a child.

Speaking of pictures, I have seen some provocative pictures put up by middle school students. I know some kids are in a hurry to grow up, I felt like that when I was younger, but damn, the pictures are kind of like soft porn. Now, I'm not a parent, but I have to ask, Where are these middle school parents? I know if I was in middle school and I put up a picture with my breast hanging out or my butt hanging out, I would not be here to blog. I feel sometimes, so parents aren't doing their jobs and should be putting parental controls on the family computers or at least track what their child is doing.

In reality, Facebook is a curse and a blessing. On one hand you are able to connect with people from college, high school, and elementary school. The other hand, you have to curb your writings. It is also a great social place. Facebook both has positive and negative affects. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Tribute to Grandma Carter

On Wednesday March 24th at 6:00am my grandma Carter passed away in her sleep. Since then, I have been unable to sleep and have been crying all day everyday. This Friday and Saturday my family and I celebrated the life of my grandma. Friday was the last time I would see my grandma and I didn't really recognize her because she had lost a lot of weight. The only way I knew it was my grandma because of her bangs.

I'm going to miss my grandma, but I have a lot of memories I would like to share with you all. I still have the green and white blanket she made for me when I was born. I also want to thank-you her for all the praying she did for me. If it wasn't for the praying of my grandma Carter and her church family & my grandma DuBerry and her church family, I would not be here right now. My grandma was a God fearing woman and she always had an encourage word to say to you. She never judged and she accepted everyone.

I was very close to my grandma Carter. I talked to her every weekend. When I was in college, I would talk to her when I had study breaks and she would always encourage me. I didn't want to always call my parents because I wanted to seem responsible and be independent. She would tell me to stay focused, she was proud of me, and that she loved me.

What I will always remember is her laugh. She always laughed like she enjoyed life and she had nothing to complain about. She was the best cook. She would make these rolls that would just melt in your mouth. I will always remember that she had a sweet tooth, I think that's where I got mine from. I remember one time when I went to visit her she said to me, "Tameika, are you hungry? I got some food in there for you baby." She had made food for an army. She had baked chicken, greens, potatoes, stuffing, and peach cobbler. I said, "Grandma, you made a whole Christmas dinner. You know there is only the two of us, right?" She laughed. Then I said, "But I can eat" and she just laughed.

Then one day a 205(Alabama area code) number called me. It wasn't a number I recognized, but I picked up anyway. Someone said, "Hello." Then I said, "Grandma? Is that you?" She said, "Yea baby, its me. I'm calling you from my cell phone." Stunned I said, "Cell phone? Who got you a cell phone grandma?" With her joyous laugh my grandma replied, "Your Uncle Ted. Don't forget to save it on your phone."

I loved my grandma Carter so much. I will never forget her. She taught me how to love people for who they are and never judge because you really don't know what a person has been through. My grandma was loved by many and at her funeral the church was packed. I pray to God I hope in my lifetime I will have touched the lives of people like my grandma Carter. I know my grandma is in a better place and when she reached the pearly gates God said to her, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"