In the media

I would like to address somethings that are going on in the media in the past few weeks. First off, Micheal Bolton, the guy that sounds like he is straining when he sings, wants an apology for the bad judging he received for his dancing. Now, I saw the dancing, and to me, he sucks. He looks like he has a stick up his ass and he is so stiff that he is straining, just like when he sings. Yes, the judging may have been too harsh, but if you can't dance then you have to take the cookies as they crumble.

Why the hell are we stuck on dumb ass Paris Hilton? Obviously, she hasn't learned from anyone and she doesn't give a fuck. We need to get a stronger justice system because this woman keeps getting away with whatever she wants to do without any consequences. I guess money does make the world go around, but is she happy. I wish she would just use her brain for once and stop using her body and money to get what she wants. I know her mother taught her better than that. I think she is one of those people who needs to hit rock bottom before she plunges into reality.

Then there is Eddie Long. Now, I do not know the whole story because I wasn't there. Yes, he is human and people shouldn't have put him on a pedestal, but they did. Many people want to crucify him not knowing what happened. We, the public, will never know the whole story. Eddie Long has said that he is not the person he is being accused of and he is going to fight this matter. I don't know him personally, but what would you do if you were in his situation? There are pics of him all over the Internet. Why is a grown married man sending pics of himself to young men in a one piece gym suit? What do you think? It sounds suspect to me. How come the young men aren't afraid to tell their stories? Most men don't want to talk or admit when they have been/were in a sexual relationship with another man, when they were children. what do you think? To me, I have no clue, but it all sounds like something happened or the young men just want money. You let me know.

Lastly, if I hear about another one of Tiger Woods many women saying they are coming out with a book, just shoot me. Let it go. Okay, so he is a sex addict, now it just seems everyone wants money. It reminds me of the Ronald Brown family O.J. Simpson case. This family wanted all of O.J. Simpson's money. They couldn't just go with the civil suit money, they had to go the court over and over again. They even called innocent American citizens for donations. I remember they called my grandma's house looking for a donation that they never received. People seem to do anything for money. They all seem like idiots.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

Poems

Give me feed back about these poems. I would really appreciate it.

Suga Lovin on a High
Your lovin is so overwhelming,
Can hardly catch my breath.
So sweet like honey dew,
Everyday is like new.
I just can't fight it, you are my suga lovin on a high.

Apple, cherry, lemon lime,
You continue to be on my mind.
You've got flavor, yes indeed!
Can I steal you for a second, please?

Another serving you tend to please.
Hot as fire, you bring me to my knees.
Give it to me,
As I confess, there's no one else.

Guide me to a place where I can't hide my face.
Emotions pour down like a race.
As I journey to outer space,
You become my suga lovin on a high.


Music #1
Melodies, notes, and instruments moving fluently through the atmosphere.
Unique stanzas to break the barriers.
Signs of joy, love, and respect.
Inner peace is given.
Clarity of what you desire.

Autumn is Almost Here!

Every morning when I wake up, I can't help to think I can't wait until school starts. Then I realize, I haven't been in school for 4 years since I graduated. I'm so used to going to school and counting down the days when we would get a break. I have been going to school since I was 2 going on 3 yrs old. I guess I can't kick the 20yr routine. I miss it!

Autumn to me has the best weather. It will be here on Thursday and I love the in between not too hot and not too cold feeling. Now that I have to get up and go to work, I can't live without my music. It gets my head right for the day and makes me look at things in a positive way.

Autumn is also the lead way to all the holidays where you hang out with your family. Some people don't like spending time with their family, but I do. I love being with my family during the holidays because you get to catch up with family you haven't seen in a while.

So, what do you like about Autumn. Let me know!

What Would You Do?

While I was a visit to New York this weekend that passed, I saw the movie Lottery Ticket. I keep thinking, what would I do if I won the lottery or had a million/billion dollars in my possession? This is what I would do:

(1) I would quit my job (working for others) and start my own business.
(2) I would tell my parents they will never have work a day in their lives anymore and build my mom her dream home.
(3) I would start a charity for Breast and Colon cancer as a tribute to my late grandma and uncle.
(4) I would so give back to my community in New York and build a community center for kids to have a place to go to for anything they need or want.
(5) I would travel the world and learn how to cook the dishes from all the different countries I visited.
(6) I would build myself my own music studio.
(7) I would buy me a house in the Caribbean, so I can have a place to go to when I over stressed and over work.

Now, I would love to know, what you would do if you won the lottery or had a million/billion dollars right at tip of your fingers?

The Shack

Many people will tell you, I love to read books. Some of my friends and I have started up a book club were we read at least 5 novels in a year. One day my mom said to me, "You have to read this book one of my friend's put me onto." She was very excited and there was just this fire in her eyes like fireworks went off just by saying this book name. I thought to myself maybe I should really read this book and then she said it was a book about a man meeting God in a shack. At first I was turned off because I thought to myself, "God doesn't just come and meet anyone," and also I have questioned many things about why God has let things happen to me in my life. Then my mom came home one day and told me she bought me a novel, "The Shack" by William Paul Young. So, no excuses and I had to read it.

Before reading this novel, I had pre-assumptions about God and I love to rebel against someone with so many rules. I started reading the book and I could hardly put it down. I learned so much things about God, my faith and relationship has become so much deeper. Here are a few things I learned:

(A) I'm 28 and I have never been married. Many people look at me as an old-maid, but I'm just hesitant about marriage because I'm always seeing the worst of marriages and 54% of marriages end in divorces. This is what God says about marriage, "Marriage is not an institution. It's a relationship. I don't create institutions; that's an occupation for those who want to play God."(pg. 181) When I saw this, my mouth dropped. People have made me feel as though, marriage was this grand club that only a few people get invited to, that's if someone loves you enough to put a ring on it. My view on marriage has turned from a woman who vowed to never get married to a woman who wants to get married whenever the right man shows up.

(B) I don't like people who say they are "Religious", and God doesn't like them either. "So, no I'm not too big on religion, and not very fond of politics and economics either. Put simply, these terrors are tools that many people prop up illusions of security and control. People are afraid of uncertainty, afraid of the future. These institutions, these structures and ideologies, are all a vain effort to create some sense of certainty and security where there isn't any. It's false! Systems cannot provide you security, only I can." (pgs. 181-182) Now, I did a double take when reading this passage. It was like all the Christian teachings I was taught just went out the door.

(C) Now this passage will shock you: "Why do you think we came up with the Ten Commandments? Actually, we wanted you to give up trying to be righteous on your own. It was a mirror to reveal just how filthy your face gets when you live independently. But can you clean your face with the same mirror that shows how dirty you are? There is no mercy or grace in rules, not even for one mistake. That's why Jesus fulfilled all of it for you-so that it no longer has jurisdiction over you. And the Law that once contained impossible demands-'Thou shall not...'--actually becomes a promise we fulfill in you."(pg. 204) When I read this, it just felt like a whole weight was taken off my shoulders. I no longer feel so bad when I don't always share my sin to someone or when I don't go to church every day of the week. My faith and bond with God has become much deeper at this moment.

(D) This is what God had to say about life: "It's simple, Mack. It's all about relationships and simply sharing life. My church is all about people, and life is all about relationships. You can't  build it. It's my job...."(pg. 180) I couldn't believe life is this simple. We always seem to complicate things and make them harder than what they seem.

I finally was able to understand God by reading this book. It has touched and changed my life in a great way. I learned who I am as a person and if it is good enough for God, I know it is good for anyone. The one thing that I was trying to find and thought I could never obtain, I feel so complete. No more hole in my life. I hope you will eventually read this novel and I pray that it touches and change your life in the best way. Thanks!

I'm Back!

So, I have been away from writing on the cyber world for a while now. I was taking some time out to live and actually come up with some great topics for you. I have been traveling this summer, working, and enjoying my family and friends. I wanted to talk you about this movie I saw called "Eat, Pray, Love." I really enjoyed this movie and I took away somethings from this movie I would like to share with everyone.

(1) I find myself wanting to go find myself by traveling the world, but do I have to really do that? I can find myself right here where I live. I just need to stay true to myself and learn how to stop and appreciate life as it comes. God didn't put me here to be depressed, angry, have low self-esteem, or frustrated my whole life. Besides, the last time I said I wanted to find myself, I almost landed on the floor. Just make sure you have the money to pay for your travels yourself because telling a black mother you want to find yourself, you just might end up being splattered on the floor....lol...=).

(2) I need to learn that everything is not for me. Just because I want something or someone doesn't mean I can obtain it. People come in and out of your life for a reason. Some people stay in your life forever. No matter what, we all learn the same lessons just at different times in our lives.

(3) I am my worst enemy. I need to stop telling myself negative things. When negative things or sayings keep being kicked in your head constantly, you start to think about it. God made me perfect just the way I am. I need not to be in a rush to have what I think I should have at the moment, no instant gratification. I need to let things gradually happen. I need to stop worrying what I look like to others because I should know who I am and what I stand for. Life is too short to listen to every little thing someone else has to say about you.

(4) Lastly, I need to learn how to forgive other and forgive myself. We love to harbor things people do wrong to us. We need to learn how to forgive them not to only help them heal, but it is mainly for us to heal. But we never forget. We also need to learn how to forgive ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves we can't even appreciate life. We get scared and think people think the worst of us when they stare.

No matter what, I'm going to live life like I have never lived it before. I hope you take that chance too.

What is Beauty?

I have learned that Hollywood wants Angelina Jolie to play Cleopatra in the remake. Now, you the know the original Hollywood movie Elizabeth Taylor played Cleopatra. Well, either way, I'm mad that a Caucasian woman is playing an African woman. It's not right. Why can't the truth be told for once? What does Hollywood have to hide?

African-American woman have a hard enough time seeing nothing but Caucasian women all over the magazines, and now they want to play the most powerful woman and last Pharaoh in the world. So, only Caucasian women are the most beautiful women in the world? I think not! Look at Mrs. Obama. She is not only a beautiful woman, but a great mom and a powerful and successful lawyer.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But you know what is really funny. Some Caucasian women go and get tans, butt implants, breast enhancements, and collagen in their lips to look just like us, but they always talk about us and always hating on us. Everybody in the world copies everything African-Americans do like the fist bump, the way we dress, the way we talk, but never give us the credit.

Paul Mooney said that we as a generation are programmed to see and think certain things. Hollywood has prolonged the programming. To me, I like Angelina Jolie as an actress, but she shouldn't play this role. She has not confirmed that she would play the part. She should think twice about who she portrays. She should want to tell the truth and not use this film as politics in the Hollywood community.

It took the Academy 75 years to give an Oscar to an African-American actress. Its a shame and it will be a shame if a Caucasian woman plays an African woman. Cleopatra was the most powerful woman in the world one time and Hollywood feel that she should be a Causaian woman because she had that great power. Egypt in right smack in the middle of Africa. I'm tired of people thinking Egypt is separate from Africa. So, now the brainwashing of what and who is beautiful is never going to go away. This generation of African-American girls and the next will continue to have self-esteem issues.

So, is beauty really in the eyes of the beholder? What do you think? I would love to know.

Improving

I haven't done a post in a while. I have been going through some changes. The first chnage, I have always vowed I will never get married. I have been through rough relationships and I was on the edge of being too tired to care and just giving up. So, now I want to get married when the time comes.

My relationship with God is getting stronger and I have become more wiser. I really could care less about what people think of me. I have been through hell and back and I don't give a damn if you say, "Look, at what she's wearing!" Or "I can't believe she said that!" Well, if you don't want to know truth, then that is your damn problem.

Everyone has their drama, either family or other stuff. For me, I learned when there is drama approaching me, I just walk away. I can't get into the he said/ she said game. No one wins and everyone ends up mad at the one random person who didn't even witness the drama. Also, if you are all about drama, just don't come around me. I have enough problems of my own.

Lastly, I work with kids and it has been a humbling experience. I haven't had a job and about two years and God has placed me in a place where I feel I'm not equip for. I don't have kids of my own yet, so I feel at times out of place. But I have learned real quick about some kids. If you let your kid do anything he/she wants to do, then when they get to school him/her is a hand full. You can't expect your kid's teacher to teach him/her the abc's and discipline at the same time. It all starts at home.

Well, thanks for letting me say my piece. Let me know how you are improving. I would love to know.

Dancing Movie

Last night when I went to the movies, I saw the previews for Step Up in 3D. I'm so happy for another dance movie, but I'm also annoyed about the movie, too. The main characters are all white actors that can dance. Now, I have no problem with people showing their talents and getting accolades, but how come Hollywood does not hire black actors who can dance? I'm so tired of seeing other races of people get the awards for their talents, while African-Americans are behind the scenes showing them how to bring their talents out. We can be the choreographers and the back up dancers, but we can't be the main characters? What is wrong with this picture.

It seems as though things have not changed. Yes, there are movies like Stompin' the Yard, You Got Served, and Electric Boogalo, but there should be more. It takes me back to the Bojangles and the Nicholas Brothers days. Mr. Bojangles was a great tap dancer, but was unable to be a main character in movies because he was an African-American. It was also a way for African-American not to get any type of power in Hollywood. The Nicholas Brothers were better dancers than Fred Astaire, but Mr. Astaire has had more accolades and is more famous than them.

I'm hoping that Hollywood will change soon. Or maybe they will not. What do you think?

In the News

This world is getting crazier and crazier. Arizona's governor, Jan Brewer, has put into effect for law enforcement to "make a reasonable attempt" to stop anyone who they feel are "reasonable suspicion." This is the states way to crack down on illegal immigrants. Ummmm......how dumb does this and the governor sound? First off, this law is so illegal. Secondly, this governor just gave law enforcement to legally racial profile. This is going to be a catastrophe! If there weren't so many people of color being accidentally killed by police officers now, well there are going to be millions. They are trying to kill us off.

Now, I feel as though if you come from another country and you don't have any papers saying you can stay here, I think you need to leave the country, too. On the other hand, the government needs to find another way of cracking down on illegal immigrants. I also feel that if you come from another country, I think you need to adapt to the country you live in.

Also in the news, are the 8 yrs old dancing to Beyonce's Single Ladies. Now many people feel the girls were dressed inappropriately and they shouldn't have been gyrating they way they were doing. But I'm looking at it from a dancer's point of view and I think that they did a great job. Many of the dance moves they did, some dancers can't even do. They are very advanced and great dancers at a very young age. I too felt that they should have worn something different. It was a hip-hop dance competition and sometimes dancers wear less because of how hot(temperature wise) you can get and to show how the body looks when you are dancing the moves.

What do you think?

Honoring Mothers

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I spent the whole day with my mom. So, today I'm going to honor all the women in my life who are mothers. The first one I'm going to start with is my mom, Jann. I want to thank-you mommy for always being there for me when no one else was. I want to thank-you for always giving me advice even when I didn't listen. Thank-you for always loving me for me and thank-you for always encouraging me to do my best. Thank-you for always having my best interest at heart even when I thought differently, but it was much needed. Lastly, thanks for showing me and teaching me how to be the best woman and person I can be.

I want to thank my other mom, Jessie, for always loving me like her own child. Thank-you for also giving me advice and always encouraging me. Thank-you for always being there for me. Thanks for all the talks,showing me not settle,and I'm just enough.

To my grandma DuBerry, thank-you for always loving me all the time. Thank-you for always being there for me when I would come home and cries everyday from people bullying me. Thank-you for showing me not to settle for any man that is not willing to take care of you versus a man that just wants you to take care of him.

To my Aunt Gina and My Aunt Peaches, thanks for always being the fun and cool aunts. Thanks for always having my back and treating me like your own child. Thanks for always letting me talk to you when I felt as though I couldn't talk to anyone. Lastly, thanks for always encouraging and never judging me.


To my Aunt Valerie, I love how we have become closer since the death of uncle Johnny. I love coming to visit you when I come to New York and all the talks that we have shared. You are very special woman and I can see why my uncle loved you so much. Thanks for being you.

To my cousins Jasmine and Aishlinn, who are first time mothers, I love the bond that we have. Both of you are like my sisters and I pray that you enjoy your new motherhood.

To Denisha, Tiffany, and Kalema, thanks for letting me be a god-mom your kids. We have been friends for over 15 yrs and Denisha for 20 yrs. I pray that we will always stay connected. I love and miss you guys very much.

To all the other mothers in my life who also inspires me, I dedicate this to you too. Aunt Jo Ann, Aunt Jennifer, cousin Mercedes, Jeanetta, Cathy, cousin Lynn, Jackie, Quwana, Katherine, Melissa, Aleka, Tisha, Jacinta, Melva, and of course my late Grandma Carter who I miss terribly. Lastly, for those I missed, I want you know thanks for also being in my life. I appreciate each and everyone of you. Thanks!

Staying in Crazy Marriages

So, I'm 28 yrs old and I get asked these questions all the time, "How come you aren't married? and When are you going to have kids?" Ummmm.....why are people asking so many questions? and why are they trying to get into my business? What they really need to do is just stop worrying about what I'm doing and worry about their own lives. But the questions still urk me.

What really gets under skin, is when the people who are in terrible marriages judge me for not being in a terrible marriage like them. Its like they want me to go insane everyday of my life. I thought marriage was supposed to be a sacred, uplifting, and beautiful part of life. I didn't know that you had to live like you are about to pull your hair out all the time. Has our world got to the point where marriages are just a joke?

As I was growing up, I was exposed to different relationships. One type of a relationship I saw was were the couple was married for a long time, but they only stayed together because of the children and old society ways were all they knew. They cuss, scream, and degrade one another and then 20 minutes later they are all lovey dovey. WTF? Everything was split down the middle as far as bank accounts and paying bills. This type of relationship would make me either want a divorce or just walk away from it all together. I mean what is the point of being married if you don't trust your spouse.

The second kind of relationship I saw was the common law marriage. This is when people stay together for a long period of time, but don't have a marriage license. You know it is really up to the people in the relationship to either get married or not. The third kind of of relationship I saw was a marriage where people are loving, caring, uplifting, trusting, and working together for their family. Not to say the common law marriage couple didn't do the same.

If I ever get married, I want a healthy marriage. Screaming and yelling is not only unnecessary but it takes too much time, effort, and energy that I don't have or don't even want to spend. If I choose to have kids, then that is mine and my husband's decision. If I don't have kids, that's our choice too. I'm going to be happy with how I live my life and not please others. Just because I don't have kids or have the option not to have any, doesn't mean something is wrong with me or I'm a bad person. It just means what every happens in my life is meant just for me. What do you think?

Spiritual Relationship

Many of you know I lost one of my grandmas last month. Since she has been gone, I have been thinking and looking over all the things I have done in my life. I have been wondering if I would be ready when God calls me home. To me, I don't think I would be ready right now. I have had many conflicts with God.

For one, I have a medical problem since I was born and I have been through hell and back. I'm 28 yrs old and the first 25 yrs of my life, I have been in and out of the hospital. When I was young, I had thought that either God hated me or I did something in another lifetime to be in this tremendous physical pain. I was raised in the church, but no one really accepted me because I was so sick. And in return, I had rebelled towards God. Everyone rebels.

As I have matured and got older, I have realized that God gave me a medical problem for a reason. It saved me from myself. I learned how not to judge people and accept any creed and color. I was saved from being around the wrong crowd growing up and I never ever was a troubled kid. I had a great childhood. But I struggle everyday with nightmares and flashbacks. People have done me wrong, but my family has always been there for me no matter what.

My family and I have had this conversation about being ready and what will happened when I get to the pearly gates. I think I will be in the line, but Peter will say, "Ummm...Tameika, can you step to the side for a few minutes? We have somethings we need to confirm." I know God will have a laugh with me and about me. He will be shaking his head while laughing. I want to be ready when God calls me. Will you?

Dating

I want to address a topic that gets under my skin. I have had this conversation of how some black men have decided not to date black women at all. Then I think back to what Wesley Snipes said in an interview. To sum it all up, Wesley made a statement saying that he will never date Black women again because they are too loud and ghetto. WTF? Like he his the nerve to talk about someone. Then another black man I talked to said that to him it applies to Hispanic women, too.

Well, I'm a 28 year old African-American/Black woman and I want to know what do these men mean by ghetto? Is it that black and Hispanic women don't take some black men shit and these bitch ass men can't man up? Or is that they have meet their match and they can't take the heat? Or is it that they would rather be lied to than have someone tell them the truth? Or is it they want someone to kiss their ass?

I'm tired of hearing how Black women are labeled as whores, bitches, and gold diggers. Even if we are educated and decided to date a man who is equally educated as us, then we are labeled as a gold digger. If we go out on many dates to figure out what we want in a man, but not have sex with every guy, we are labeled as whores. If we fly off the handle in a heated discussion or an argument and not agree with everything a man says, then we are labeled bitches.

Today, talking to one of my guy friends, he told me how many Black men in his financial firm will not even think twice about not dating a Black or Hispanic woman. They are too afraid of not having a great background check and want to be able to get into a country club.

Look, I have no problem with anyone dating outside their race, I just want Black women to stop getting a bad rep. What makes me really mad at the situation is that some black men will never give a black woman a chance, even though they were raised by a black woman. They are so obessed with how society sees them and I feel sad for them. The other thing that angers me too, is when a black woman is with a black man for a long period of time and once that man gets fame, he drops his black woman like she was nothing. This black woman helped this man to get him where he is and she sacrificed some her dreams for him.

The one thing I'm proud of is how Barack Obama is so much in love with his wife Michelle. Mrs. Obama is showing the world that black women and every woman of color is worth more than gold. I pray and hope some black men will stop judging and take a black woman out.

Facebook and Its Affects

Every single day I have a daily routine, check my email and then get on Facebook to talk to distant family members and friends. I'm able to find what is going on in the world on this site when I don't feel like watching the news. Facebook is the number one social and informational site in the world. Let me give you a little history on this site.

Facebook was a website that some Harvard students created for their economics class. The site was built for students at the Ivy League schools around the country to stay in touch with one another. The teacher felt it was a great project and they got sponsors. A few months after the site was launched, the creators felt it would be a better expansion if they had allowed all students from all colleges across the country to stay connected to one another.

I have been a member since Spring of 2005. I had fun writing whatever I wanted to without persecution. I also could have people to relate to because everyone in college has those days when they feel they can't take it anymore and they want to drop out. This was me every semester....lol...but for real. Anyway, now a day Facebook is not only for college students, but they are for companies, high school students, and middle schoool students. I'm really shocked about the middle school students.

Five years later, Facebook has dramatically changed. First off, you have to watch what you say and the kind of pictures you put on your profile. There was a teacher who out a picture of herself enjoying an alcoholic drink, and she lost her job. The school said that not only did her student find the picture, but she was giving a bad reputation of the school. I feel that when people are off the job, they should be able to enjoy their lives. I also feel that a student shouldn't be able to see what his/her student does after school because the teacher is an adult. I think the school made a big fuss about one little picture. They could have asked the teacher to take the picture off and then have an assembly about the difference of what an adult can do versus a child.

Speaking of pictures, I have seen some provocative pictures put up by middle school students. I know some kids are in a hurry to grow up, I felt like that when I was younger, but damn, the pictures are kind of like soft porn. Now, I'm not a parent, but I have to ask, Where are these middle school parents? I know if I was in middle school and I put up a picture with my breast hanging out or my butt hanging out, I would not be here to blog. I feel sometimes, so parents aren't doing their jobs and should be putting parental controls on the family computers or at least track what their child is doing.

In reality, Facebook is a curse and a blessing. On one hand you are able to connect with people from college, high school, and elementary school. The other hand, you have to curb your writings. It is also a great social place. Facebook both has positive and negative affects. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Tribute to Grandma Carter

On Wednesday March 24th at 6:00am my grandma Carter passed away in her sleep. Since then, I have been unable to sleep and have been crying all day everyday. This Friday and Saturday my family and I celebrated the life of my grandma. Friday was the last time I would see my grandma and I didn't really recognize her because she had lost a lot of weight. The only way I knew it was my grandma because of her bangs.

I'm going to miss my grandma, but I have a lot of memories I would like to share with you all. I still have the green and white blanket she made for me when I was born. I also want to thank-you her for all the praying she did for me. If it wasn't for the praying of my grandma Carter and her church family & my grandma DuBerry and her church family, I would not be here right now. My grandma was a God fearing woman and she always had an encourage word to say to you. She never judged and she accepted everyone.

I was very close to my grandma Carter. I talked to her every weekend. When I was in college, I would talk to her when I had study breaks and she would always encourage me. I didn't want to always call my parents because I wanted to seem responsible and be independent. She would tell me to stay focused, she was proud of me, and that she loved me.

What I will always remember is her laugh. She always laughed like she enjoyed life and she had nothing to complain about. She was the best cook. She would make these rolls that would just melt in your mouth. I will always remember that she had a sweet tooth, I think that's where I got mine from. I remember one time when I went to visit her she said to me, "Tameika, are you hungry? I got some food in there for you baby." She had made food for an army. She had baked chicken, greens, potatoes, stuffing, and peach cobbler. I said, "Grandma, you made a whole Christmas dinner. You know there is only the two of us, right?" She laughed. Then I said, "But I can eat" and she just laughed.

Then one day a 205(Alabama area code) number called me. It wasn't a number I recognized, but I picked up anyway. Someone said, "Hello." Then I said, "Grandma? Is that you?" She said, "Yea baby, its me. I'm calling you from my cell phone." Stunned I said, "Cell phone? Who got you a cell phone grandma?" With her joyous laugh my grandma replied, "Your Uncle Ted. Don't forget to save it on your phone."

I loved my grandma Carter so much. I will never forget her. She taught me how to love people for who they are and never judge because you really don't know what a person has been through. My grandma was loved by many and at her funeral the church was packed. I pray to God I hope in my lifetime I will have touched the lives of people like my grandma Carter. I know my grandma is in a better place and when she reached the pearly gates God said to her, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!"

Is Being Drunk An Excuse?

When I was in college, I used to be in the club from Wednesday-Sunday every week. I used to drink all the time, but now I have become a social drinker. The reason why I have become a social drinker is because going to the club eventually got old and also I was around people who would drink so much, there would be no one to drive home. I rather be the designated driver who is sober and alert.

I have also made a decision to not be around people who drink excessively. Some people are like a Dr. Jekyl and Ms. Hyde. They feel like once they get some liquor in them, its time for them to act like an ass. People will come out of their mouth and say the things they have been really feeling about you. Then the next morning when you are feeling sour and angry, they will act like they don't remember or they will act like the drinking was an excuse and they really didn't mean it. Ummmm.....yea right! You know they aren't really your friends if they can't tell you the truth about how they feel when they are sober. They are just cowards.

Another thing people make an excuse for drinking is sleeping with other people, either its an ugly person or cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. You know how a person will roll over and scream, "Damn. Hell No! Is that the same person I came home with?" So, now the non-attractive person starts stalking you because you're not replying to their phone calls and text message. What are you going to say? "Blame....Blame....Blame it on the liquor?" Now, that's just dumb.

What about your relationship? You're going to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband that it was a dumb move and the person didn't mean anything to you. Or what if the other person ends up pregnant, then you are really in a jam. A one night stand could bring you a lot of pain and regrets when alcohol comes in the picture.

So, in reality drinking is not an excuse to act like an ass. Let me know what you think.

Does Size Matter?

One of my guy friends, who reads this blog, told me I need to write a topic that will spice things up. So, this one is for you babe. On Saturday night, a few of my friends and I went clubbing. My friend's cousin asked, "Most women do not like big men because they think a big man would have a small penis. Is this true?"

Well, to me, I'm very different, but the size doesn't matter. It's more of the man's motion. The reason why I say this is because some men that have big penises don't know what to do with it. They are totally clueless. Then sometimes when a man that has a big penis knows what he is doing, but treats you like shit. I mean, who wants that? I have also found out that smaller men pack more than average size men. Its kind of like they make up for the lack of height.

Some men also act like idiots and make some women not want to have sex all together. Just because a man has a big penis might mean he may not have a mind. Some men feel like they are God's gift to women when they know can work the middle and do it all too well. Who wants to sleep with a man who gives great sex, but can't hold a conversation? Who wants to sleep with a man who sleeps with everyone and their momma? Ummmm...that's disgusting, but not me!

So, does size really matter? I would love to know.

Two Sides To Every Story

One of my pet peeves is when people meet you for the first time and they say they don't like you because what their friend said about you. WTF? Does anyone have a mind these days or do we just go with the flow so we can feel accepted? We should try to get to know a person because we want to and not because we hear a one sided story.

Many people I have met for the first time haven't wanted to get to know me because of what their friend say about me. I have a friend that is a mutual friend of one of my ex-boyfriends. The guy and I started to become good friends until my ex-boyfriend decided to get jealous of the friendship. So, in order for my ex-boyfriend to the friend not talk to me, he decides to tell the friend what he felt I did wrong in the relationship to make it go sour. What an idiot!

First off, I really do not like my business to be out there. Secondly, I'm not the only one that did something wrong. It takes two people to make up a relationship. Thirdly, I appreciate how he decided to tell the friend all the negatives I did in the relationship.

Now, the friend doesn't really talk to me anymore. When we do talk, its very short with one worded answers to questions. Sometimes I feel like yelling, "I'm not such a bad person. You should know my side of the story." I feel at times, I never get a chance to defend myself. My ex is no angel. I just feel a little sad for losing a friend over dumb stuff, but in reality that friend was never real. A real friend will be friends with you no matter what anyone says.

Thanks for letting be rant and vent. Lata

Hollywood Too Thin?

I'm so annoyed that Hollywood tells women the only way to be successful in the world you have to be a white woman with blonde hair, big boobs, straight teeth, and be the size of a tooth pick. I'm so far from that. I'm an African-American woman who stands at 5'1"and 130 pounds. I wouldn't be able to be a model because I'm too short and if I were to be a model, I would be a plus size model. I don't have a problem with the plus size, I have a problem about Hollywood having problems about being healthy. In reality, no one really looks that way.

I'm also annoyed how some men feel that if a woman do not look like the women on tv or in the movies, they will not talk to you. Are they that superficial? Some men feel they can look any old way, like they don't think a woman wouldn't want them to look good at all. Why can't a guy like you for you and not for someone whose looks will eventually fade away.

I love the way Gaboury Sidibe sees herself. She says, ""They [the press] try to paint the picture that I was this downtrodden, ugly girl who was unpopular in school and in life and then I got this role and now I'm awesome, but the truth is that I've been awesome, and then I got this role." So, Jessica Simpson said this about Sidibe,"She walked the red carpet at the Oscars and she owned it. She had such confidence and I absolutely 100 percent think she could get anything in the world she wants." If only every woman in the world had the confidence of Sidibe.

So, as women try every diet to look good for society, try to think about looking good for yourself. Show yourself how great you are and will be when you focus your mind. Hollywood needs to tell the world the truth and this way many women will not die trying to look like the women on tv or in the movies.

Look at this. Sidibe is at the end:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpeMZA3LDBE (repost this)

Celebrities and Their Images

I have loved music since the day my mom played Michael Jackson and I said, "Again!" at the age of 2. I love all genres of music. Now, there are many female rappers that are great at their crafts and there are some that need help. The newest female rapper is Nikki Minaj. I like her rapping style, but I really don't like her stage persona. I was watching the Mo'nique show, where Nikki was on, and Nikki said, "I'm the Monica Lewinski to Wayne." Ummmm......did she really say that? Yes. I know Mo'nique's show is on late night, but anybody can google Nikki or just go on YouTube and find this interview. I also know she was being real about the situation, but it was a little to real for me. She has young women looking up to her and she is basically telling them, you have to suck to get to where you want to be. Wow! What do you think?

I'm also a big movie buff. I have enjoyed watching movies since my late Uncle Johnny introduced me to them at the age of 8. I want to Congratulate Mo'nqiue on winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Now, I know she is a great actress, but many people have been talking about her open marriage. Now when I first heard about an open marriage, I didn't fully understand what it means. An open marriage is when one or both people in the marriage can step out and sleep with other people.

Well, I have been taught that marriage was a union between two people. Am I wrong? Or have we let people do anything they want out fear of being alone or desperation to keep them? Maybe I'm just out of the loop or I'm too harsh of a judge. Or maybe I'm just stuck in olden times. I'm not bashing people, I'm just trying to get you to think. Let me know!

Kindness

So, I was trying to figure out what to write and my mom gave me this topic, kindness. Thanks. The dictionary says that kindness is a nice deed and its synonym is affection. But do we show kindness to one another or do we simple don't care? To me, the generation of kids growing up these days don't know anything about kindness. They talk back to their parents, they bully their peers, they throw tantrums, and they just don't give a damn. I'm so glad I didn't become a teacher. I would be fired on the first day and the principal would say, "Ms. Carter, you can't hit these children!"

We as adults don't show each other kindness, either. We are always look out for number one. We get mad at people, who work hard to get to where they are, when they make more money than us. We also don't want to help one another out because we feel that person is going to take our job or spot.

What I really like about our President is that he and other authorities from other countries came together to help the Haitian people. Our President was willing to show is kindness by helping the Haitians rebuild and start a new chapter in their lives. He wasn't going to be like our other president, who let people sit out in the hot sun on top of houses day in and day out with no food or water. Our president is a prime example of showing us that kindness goes along way.

Since the earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, and Taiwan God or your higher power is trying to tell us something. He is telling us that we need one another. So, let's go out and show our kindness to one aonther. Try giving kindness to someone you don't know. It will not make you feel better about yourself, but it will also make someone smile and/or make someone's day.

Sex Slaves

Last night I was watching MSNBC there were two shows of sex slaves. One was about women being shipped to America and the other was about children being turned into sex slaves. What has this world come to? These shows made me cry and I can't believe this happens right here under our noses.

The show were the women were being shipped here, the women came replying to job ads. The women were thinking they were making a better life for their families. Most of these women were single mothers and college students. One of the single mothers was given beer the moment she arrived here and she doesn't even drink. Her new job was to drink and as many drinks she drinks, men can touch any part of her body. WTF? Then the number of drinks a man buys the woman, that's as long as he has sex with her. Are they for real? Many of these women were raped and murdered for trying to get help. Some were just raped everyday as a threat and hold over their lives. OMG!

The other show with the children was just horrible. These two cousins, who were 14 and 15, were taken while they were walking to a gas station by a pimp and his two women. In less than 24 hours, these two cousins were taken across state lines so they could start their new jobs servicing truck drivers at truck stops. The cousins parents were looking for them. Once they found the house the young girls were held hostage in, the parents called the police. The thing that I didn't get was how long the police took to rescue the girls. It took 6 calls from 6 different people for the police to arrive. Two hours and a beat down later, where one father is now disabled, the police arrived.

What is wrong with people? To me, it seems as though the police aren't doing their jobs. Are we supposed to feel safe now? I don't. I see why ordinary people go and bear arms. I just wanted to inform you what was going on while you are sleeping in your nice comfy beds. Pray for these women and children. I know I will be!

Cheating

I was watching Maury today and it was a show about cheating. These men and women disgust me. I'm confused how you can tell someone that you love them, but behind their back you sleep with everyone that see. You tell them., "It was nothing!" Obviously, it meant something to you that you felt you need to hide. Its just an excuse for you not to have self-control.

Now a day, many people play with marriage. They feel its some type of contract that they can easily get out of when the marriage doesn't fit with their lifestyle. They just annul it or get a divorce. Is this what marriage is all about? If it is, I really don't want to get married.

I also really don't understand how people go and cheat on their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend with all these sexually transmitted diseases out there. I also don't get how all these people have kids after kids, don't even know who the parents are, and can't even afford them. What is wrong with this picture?

Then there is Tiger Woods with his fake apology. He should have been in that movie How To Be A Playa instead of Bill Bellamy because balancing 17 women, a family, and a golf career is the best balancing act of the century. To me, I felt that he didn't really need to apologize to anyone but his wife. But he does have endorsements, so I guess he had to do it. I just hope that after this apology he stays out of the spotlight, takes care of his family, and then get back to what he does best, golf.

Time to Get Fit

Aight, so I have decided to go and get fit for this dress I'm trying to fit in. The dress is for my sister's wedding's, my younger sister. Sometimes I feel like what is wrong with this picture. My younger sister getting married before for me. I'm so happy for her, but now I'm getting people asking me, "So, when are you getting married?" I feel like punching them in the face because people can be so sarcastic. Who said that I wasn't happy? Maybe its not my time to get married. I feel as though I'm not ready.

Anyway, so I started eating healthy, and this healthy shit is making me hungry. I'm starting to get mad just because my ass is hungry. I figure eating healthy is going to make me more energetic and have more stamina, not mad. As a confession, I'm the fast food queen. I started eating fast food a lot about 4 years ago when I was trying to gain weight. I was so thin that my dad started calling me Nicole Richie as a motivation. I was so annoyed at being too skinny and wanted to be called by my own name, I started eating the wrong things to gain weight. I'm not proud, but I did it.

So, I thought that I was just doing this healthy thing for my sister's wedding, but it's ending up being a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual thing for me. I'm starting to love my body and eat right. Its hard, but I'm going to do it. Even though I drink a lot of water, I used to drink the same amount of soda. So it was 50/50. I used to have a soda everyday, but now I have cut down to one or two for the week. No Pain, No Gain! I'm going to get fit!